the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
