After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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