So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
