Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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