we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
