dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
