I'm really into asian looking animals
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
