SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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