Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
