if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
