I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
