there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
