see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
