How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
