you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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