I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
