Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
