why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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