so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
