Don't you send me to vm
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
This is my gift to your gina
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
