I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
