How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
