He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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