omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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