she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
