It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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