i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
