You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
