Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I don't think brook has ever known best
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
