i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
