did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
