my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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