You're my little dorito
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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