ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
