I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
