The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
