Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
