he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
