How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
