Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
