And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
