did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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