i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
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