so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
