I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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