Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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