Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
