Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
