Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
