I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
